We have been asked to start a group for those affected by false accusations and today have launched a new group on Facebook:
We invite all those willing to help others to join the group and contribute.
Author: Jo from Connecticut
For 7 years, married 3, I have been in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. Although riddled with heated arguments it has never been physically abusive. Recent tensions have caused my husband to become increasingly angry and volatile. His favorite subject being my 15 year old son from my first marriage. A week after a wonderful vacation I found myself once again being scolded and berated over a chore that my son hadn’t completed. The argument escalated and I lightly poked him in the chest. In typical fashion he left the house and I went to sleep. 2 hours later the state police were at my door and, in front of my son, I was arrested for disorderly conduct. He was granted a full no contact and my son and I were displaced from the house that i bought.
To complicate matters, my husband and I are business partners and 50/50 owners of both the business and the business property. I was also banned from my job and only source of income. A week later my husband served me with divorce papers. Prior to this he never asked for a separation or even indicated that we were heading in that direction. I was completely blind sided.
After 3 court appearances, including a Fernando A hearing, I was granted a modification allowing me limited access to my business. My husband knew exactly what he was doing and intentionally had me arrested in order to leverage a divorce in his favor. Since this has happened he has done everything possible to try and discredit my emotional stability beginning with lying to the police, his attorney, and as I just discovered today, mutual friends. In the meantime I am going on my 18th night without a home, bouncing from guest room to guest room not knowing how soon or long it will be before the order will be lifted.
Until it happened to me I had no idea that my spouse could exaggerate or even fabricate a frivolous abuse allegation leaving me without recourse. Abuse is a very serious matter but the ease in which a vindictive sociopath can use the system for their own gain while ruining another persons life in the process is criminal!
A petition to Congress asking the Government to help stop false domestic violence accusations is approaching 40,000 messages sent to Congress and the President. The Petition urges law enforcement to make no exceptions for innocent until proven guilty when it comes to domestic violence claims. The Petition has a lot of real life stories attached to it, many of which are eye opening and jaw dropping.
You can view the Petition and take action on it at:
Author: Guest Contributor
I've been trying to wrap my head around an article I just read recently on Areo by Race Hockdorf (reference and link below) about the dark side of the #metoo movement. While the movement has shined a light on real world scumbags, it has also opened the door for women (and men in some cases) to misuse the movement for their own personal advances.
One quote that stuck out to me from the article was a reference to Emily Lindin, a columnist for Teen Vogue, who tweeted: “Sorry. If some innocent men’s reputations have to take a hit in the process of undoing the patriarchy, that is a price I am absolutely willing to pay.” Here is the full context of her tweet taken from her Twitter feed:
Here's an unpopular opinion: I'm actually not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs over false sexual assault/harassment allegations.
This woman writes articles for a magazine that directs its content to teenage girls (Teen Vogue). As a person who firsthand had to deal with the repercussions of being falsely accused of domestic violence, these comments are haunting. Is this person a representative of the powerful voices behind the #metoo movement? I really hope not. What Mr. Lindin fails to understand is that the men that are false accused are ALSO VICTIMS.
The article also references a series of tweets from Jessica Valenti, a writer for The Guardian where she tweets:
“I keep hearing that men are afraid about the sexual harassment reckoning. Scared that innocent people (them) will get implicated. Women are afraid, for good reason, every day. So I don’t care even a little if men are feeling uncomfortable or scared right now. Better men are afraid than women are hurt. Deal with it. Honestly, I think part of the problem is for too long men haven’t been afraid enough. In short: Make Men Afraid Again.”
The viewpoints of people like Ms. Lindin and Ms. Valenti provide a clear pathway for false accusers to ride the #metoo movement as a weapon to hurt their intended target. Its an invitation for those would be wrong doers to take action, knowing there is little if any consequences to their actions. Rather than acknowledging the fact that men are falsely being accused everyday, they go out of their way to make the point that it is okay.
What these authors also fail to acknowledge is the disservice false accusations have to the real victims that they are standing up for. Accepting these false allegations will lower the volume on the voices of the real brave victims who are coming forth to speak their mind. This also possibly brings a question of credibility in our minds when a actual victim does come forward (I know for me personally, when I see any accusation in the news, I tend to question the credibility of the claim now). In time, if this is allowed to run rampant and not be addressed, this will ultimately hurt the underlying cause of the #metoo movement. "Is this real or just another fake accusation?"
My point? Every life should matter regardless or gender or race. Collateral damage should not be ignored and accepted but rather effort should be made to minimize it. The #metoo movement is powerful, but the wake it is leaving behind has had some unintended consequences. Its time for the powerful voices behind the #metoo movement to step up and acknowledge the dark side of the #metoo movement. There are solutions if everyone works together.
Author: dontcrywolf.org staff
You may be asking yourself why bother sharing your own story. For the longest time I know I asked myself that same question. I would convince myself that no one cares and that my struggles are mine alone. Fact is, your stories make a difference, not only to yourself, but to others that are struggling with similar situations.
I recently ran across a very good post by Sherry Hamby, Ph.D, a research professor of psychology at Sewanee, The University of the South in Sewanee, TN. She discusses the 4 major beneifts to sharing your story:
1. Realize your stories can help others
2. Finding your voice
3. Re-affirming your values
4. Finding peace and hope
Read her full post here, and when you are ready, come back and share your story. It will make a difference.
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